Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
