My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
