you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
