there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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