First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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