Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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