Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
