genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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