not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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