Rock
Scissors
Fuck
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
