I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Alive.
So much puke
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
