Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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