I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize