Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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