8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
