plz talk dirty to me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
