so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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