I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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