there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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