i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize