If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just gift wrapped bread.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
