How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
