i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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