I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
