Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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