That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
