apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am naked and annoyed.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
