Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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