we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
