Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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