remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
