Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can't put those talents on a resume
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
