I heard we made out
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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