Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
