Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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