Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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