im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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