i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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