after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
