Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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