He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
