i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
