Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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