Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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