Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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