once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
