It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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