A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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