I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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