He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
