the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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