dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
