if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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