if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
