my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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