you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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