Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
