Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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