i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
They have beer where we have blood.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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