Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
