I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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