I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
