I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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