yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
