He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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