I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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