My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
