Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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