I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
