My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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