The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
