u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
