those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
