I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
