Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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