So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
