Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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