R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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