her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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