how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
