Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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