I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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