I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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