Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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