cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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