3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
