Can i not drive my cunt home
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
