I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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